Knowing when and why people are pushing your buttons

Yesterday I was reminded of a saying by Keanu Reeves.

It goes “People will provoke you until they bring out your ugly side then play victim when you go there”. 

Unfortunately, I had the misfortune of being stuck in a queue beside two men having a verbal argument that got quite heated. One was being aggressively combative and the other was getting publicly humiliated. 

So, the guy being humiliated finally exploded and called the aggressor an effin liar! 

The bloke being combative took on the demeanour of a broken Ken doll and accused the other guy of being an asshole. Then the Ken doll, took off in full victim mode leaving the poor bloke who reacted negatively looking embarrassed, humiliated and feeling ashamed. 

This interaction is designed specifically to shift the culpability from the person doing the provoking back onto the person who reacted negatively. 

Who looked the worst behaved – the person who exploded! Cunning, isn’t it? 

As a Communication Coach being objective is easy, and what I witnessed is a communication style that many people use to push other people to go to places they don’t want to go to emotionally, and or physically, and then when they have provoked someone enough to blow or react negatively, they play the victim. Super frustrating to watch! 

In the end, I asked if he was okay. 

He replied, “Yeah, he’s just not that happy at the moment and he’s not good at dealing with it.”

I won’t go into the rest of the conversation as it’s personal, but hopefully this guy won’t be so easily played next time round.

If you need some help with this situation feel free to contact me.