Ever been in a conversation with someone, but you’re distracted not by what they’re saying, but by how they’re saying it?
When I'm in a conversation with someone, I rely on both verbal and non-verbal cues.
In essence verbal communication involves the use of spoken or written words, whereas non-verbal communication encompasses facial expressions, body language, gestures, and more. However, I’ve discovered there are instances when these two forms of communication are not aligned, leading to potential misunderstandings and misinterpretations. This is what I call mixed messages or the incongruence of the moment.
Incongruence occurs when there is a misalignment or conflict between a person's thoughts, feelings, and actions (non-verbal gestures). I often think that incongruence that leads us into internal conflict, emotional distress, and difficulties in relationships.
Incongruence is often happening when people are coping with societal pressures, self-doubt, or the need to conform to external expectations. It may also cause individuals to suppress or hide their true thoughts and feelings. Mixed messages particularly in the workplace can make people feel unsettled and create huge amounts of self-doubt.
Effective communication is the foundation of congruence, when an individual is congruent, it means that there is consistency and authenticity in how they express themselves. They are genuine, transparent, and their outward behaviour reflects their internal experiences. In other words, their words, actions, and emotions agree and are in line with their true self.
Here’s my big question for the day: Have you got your verbals and your non-verbals aligned? And if so, how do you know?
I’d love to hear about some instances of where you’ve found yourself on the receiving end of a misalignment at work, feel free to either share in the comments below, or DM me.