Last week Bob (not his real name) invited me to one of his Friday meetings. Bob has a solid reputation for running a good meeting. Lately though, he’d been experiencing a sense of unease over the weekend. Once the meeting started, one of the team started speaking what I call 'Snark' also known as being passive-aggressive. Whenever Bob spoke, this individual, discreetly yet pointedly, muttered, sighed, or made snide comments about other team members' contributions or about Bob himself. I thought that was pretty ballsy!
So, why be passive-aggressive? Sometimes it’s a lack of assertiveness skills, or a good old fashioned power struggle, or they have unresolved resentment. Maybe they grew up communicating that way.
Here’s the thing though - sarcasm can be funny. People who use sarcasm are often described as having a dry wit, a sharp tongue etc, or a wicked sense of humour. But when used frequently towards one person, it’s not fun, it’s bullying.
Speaking ‘Snark’ aims to create enough self-doubt in someone to generate a sense of inadequacy resulting in feelings of incompetence. As their self-esteem and confidence decline, they might face difficulties in performing their tasks, leading them to eventually decide to leave. After the meeting, Bob and I worked out he was facing a power struggle. The two approaches below allow Bob to assert control over his meetings without resorting to a direct confrontation, which could escalate tension.
Tactical Detour: When faced with the latest subtle dig from his team member Bob can adeptly employ a strategy of apparent unawareness. A simple response such as, "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Could you please repeat that?" effectively deters any further passive-aggressive comments in a group setting.
Call for Open Discussion: Bob plans to create a Group Agreement at the start of his next meeting. This will involve a candid discussion about communication within the meeting. Bob wanted an approach that would cultivate a more positive environment, enabling team members to engage in discussions without the fear of mockery or ridicule. A Group Agreement will achieve this.